Sunday, January 24, 2010

In Case You Are Bored

Ok people... I am not trying to be rude or crude or crass here, but I have what I believe is a funny story. I wasn't going to share it with you for fear of offending someone until I read this post on the joys of tampon insertion (it's funny; it really is) and laughed out loud. So, I figured I may as well risk it and share the wealth; you never know who might need a good laugh.

I was laying on the bed the other day. J was at work and Fletcher (our big dog) was laying on J's pillow watching me on the computer. With just me and the animals at home, the house was pretty quiet, so I was quite caught off guard when Fletcher farted OUT LOUD. And I mean loud. Up until that point I didn't know that dogs could make auditory emissions. But, I guess it caught him off guard too because he looked at me with that "Did I really just do that out loud?" kind of look and then turned to look at his butt to see where the noise had come from. I honestly think he was a little embarrassed.

Well, like I said, I didn't know that dogs could produce loud ones like that so I decided to do a little research. Yes, I spend many hours a day doing "research" on the strangest, most meaningless topics out there. Today's topic was John Phillips of the Mamas on the Papas, and I was mostly just looking for pictures of his trackmarked arms. More to come on that later.

So, I googled "do dogs fart out loud," which I obviously already knew the answer to but was trying to understand why I had never heard it before. And I came across a website called You can check it out for yourself if you have any lingering (no pun intended) questions about the bowel system, but I must say it is pretty gross. Not only does it answer every related question you can ever come up with, it also suggests that you try this simple experiment...just in case you are bored...

How much gas does a normal person pass per day?

On average, a person produces about half a liter of fart gas per day, distributed over an average of about fourteen daily farts.
Whereas it may be difficult for you to determine your daily flatus volume, you can certainly keep track of your daily numerical fart count. You might try this as a science fair project: Keep a journal of everything you eat and a count of your farts. You might make a note of the potency of their odor as well. See if you can discover a relationship between what you eat, how much you fart, and how much they smell.

People, I couldn't make this up if I tried (nor would I ever want to). But why oh why does this author think that anyone would ever try this "science fair project"? Like I said, I hope I'm not offending anyone. Being a nurse, it is sometimes a little too easy to find the humor in bodily functions that other people find repulsive!

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